Saturday, January 31, 2009
6386: Classic Blunders.
A refreshing MultiCultClassics Monologue…
• Coca-Cola is dropping the Classic from its name, which was originally introduced in 1985 after the classic marketing blunder that changed the soda’s iconic formula. A company spokesman explained, “When people think Coke, they think classic, so more than two decades after introducing the word classic, the reason for being—quote unquote—for that word as a descriptor has disappeared.” Unless they’re cocaine addicts, in which case thinking Coke results in other types of responses.
• More hotties are suing Hawaiian Tropic Zone. A class-action lawsuit by four former employees charge the women were sexually assaulted, groped and subjected to a hostile workplace. The joint sounds like such a war zone, they ought to change its name to Tropic Thunder.
• It was a rough week for U.S. workers, as corporations cut over 100,000 jobs. “There’s no reason to anticipate a hiring frenzy any time soon,” said the director of economic research at Argus Research. “Labor usually accounts for about 75% of a company’s costs, and if the outlook remains bleak, they slash jobs. There is no reason to believe this trend will stop any time soon.” So much for the old cliché that a company’s most important assets are its people.
• There’s a rumor that Dell might introduce a cell phone. The company will probably use the device to terminate Enfatico via text.
• The United States Postal Service is considering reducing the number of days it delivers mail. Neither snow, nor rain, nor gloom of night can trump a shitty economy.